Do you ever get tempted to send the kids to school?

I am embarrassed to say that every year (sometimes more often) I consider school for the kids.  It isn't because I think they are missing something.  We have been at homeschooling long enough that it is obvious that they are doing just as well academically as school kids.  They experience all kinds of things that are just not available when cooped up all day.  I have great answers for those that contradict me about not sending them to school.  Intellectually, it is very clear that homeschooling is best, at least for us.

However, my frustration level skyrockets at times when I spend the whole day begging for them to do chores or the few traditional school items that we require.  My kids are great out of the house and will do whatever is asked by instructors at activities or church or helping other parents when we visit.  But at home, it seems that they don't feel compelled to do what is expected.  This is, of course, a better situation than good behavior at home and poor behavior outside the home, but it is exhausting!  At times, I get to the point of threatening school.  I am sure many of you are mortified by such a threat, but it just seems that they often aren't grateful for the freedom.  We ask ourselves if we should send them for a while so they understand?  For a few weeks, months, maybe a year?  Would they be grateful after?  I went to good schools, but when you include transportation and homework, it was 35-40 hours a week with no control over my time.

Am I the only one who feels this way?  Is this even tougher with a school-at-home style?  We are unschoolers, but with the added extra structure that, once old enough, they have to write about what they do for learning.  Is this better or worse across ages or styles?  Is compliance just better from kids that have tried school?   These are all things we think about constantly.

Really Covering Citizenship - School Board Election Time

Tonight we attended a session with the candidates for the Buffalo Board of Education at the Merriweather branch library.  First of all, for those of you not from the state of New York, yes, school board elections are in May, not in November with the other elections.  It does encourage a lack of broad representation in the sense that those that make a special effort to turn out in May usually have some vested interest of some sort, for better or for worse.  Anyway, there were a couple of things that struck me about the evening.

The first was that I was covering citizenship much better compared to the parents (and teachers) of school students.  Out of about 30,000 students in the district, there were perhaps 10 from what I could see, presumably school kids, in the audience.  Where were the students?  Surely they have vested interest in what happens.  I can only guess that some kids, the trouble makers who were alluded to regarding suspensions, don't care and the "good students" are too busy doing homework, going to activities, and going to bed early.  Either way, it is clear to me that homeschooling, with its lack of homework, lack of suspensions and relative lack of need for a bed time permits more engagement in the political process.  It is sort of a microcosm of the way the corporatocracy has kept people too busy to participate and notice that our state and national elections are bought.  Between busy or disengaged students and disadvantaged parents who need to work multiple jobs to have a living wage, I am sad but not surprised.  I hope I was setting an example for my kids that I tried to ascertain which candidates are good.

The second thing that struck me was that all the candidates were mainstream in the sense that they stated what you would expect.  No one, even the more interesting candidates, was outraged about mandatory kindergarten, for example, which to me is a big attack on parents rights and freedoms to decide what is right for their children.  There was all the "working together" and "caring about the community" rhetoric of course.  It was much easier to see which candidates not to vote for.  Sergio Rodriguez boldly stated how much he as for mandatory kindergarten and even mandatory Pre-K in the typical more-school-is-better approach to learning.  Clearly, he has not read what I have read about child development and the ways children learn.  Several candidates, including Sam Davis who most directly seemed to address it, stated that they wanted to eliminate waste and get the money into the classrooms.  This shows the ignorance of the candidates.  It is an extremely small percentage of what is spent that isn't directly or indirectly mandated by state education law and related applicable laws and contracts developed under those laws.  It is not to say that all tax dollars are put to good use.  I would certainly overhaul the entire education system, but such things would have to occur at the state level.  Making a note of those who mentioned this also eliminated several possible candidates for me.  I was pleasantly surprised that so many stated fairly directly that they wanted the good programs to be spread across the district to neighborhood schools rather than concentrated in a few schools in an unfair manner.  Unfortunately, this didn't help differentiate the candidates too well even though Wendy Mistretta seemed to articulate this best of all that spoke on this.  I agree with them on the inherent unfairness obviously, but it wasn't a differentiating factor.  Only one candidate, Daniel Reynolds, spoke about child centered learning at all.  He didn't state it directly, but alluded to it by wanting to teach students via their interest in hip hop.  My fear is that between not explaining it well and acting somewhat strange in that he included singing and dancing during the session that he may not be taken seriously.  He also seemed to be one of the more interesting ones in terms of his own education.  However, despite this he was for mandatory kindergarten when I talked to him although at least was open minded enough to tell me he would do further research on his position after speaking to me.

Anyway, I haven't finalized my choices yet other than deciding who not to vote for.  Whoever gets elected, however, the proof of educational improvement to me will be in how many of the students attend next year's board candidate forums because it will show whether or not the teaching methods have instilled enthusiasm and priorities.

Mandating Kindergarten and the Continuing Wrong Direction of Education

This morning my fibromyalgia was bad and I woke up very bored and too stiff to do much, so I put on the news despite that fact that I am always on guard for a corporate/materialism agenda.  One of the stories was about the Board of Buffalo Schools requesting that the NY state legislature mandate kindergarten in a similar manner to Syracuse and New York City.  I was alarmed by the story as the tone is such that the Board expects that starting academics earlier will achieve better educational outcomes.  No one seems opposed or is even questioning it.  There is no discussion of what is actually better for children or what helps them learn.  Are they developmentally ready for serious academics at age 5?  Does the emotional trauma of taking children away from parents on a full-time basis at such a young age detract from their ability to learn?  Does the existing type of schooling even work well enough to necessitate more of it?  With the increasing amount of data available in the information age, should there be less traditional instruction and more focus on critical thinking and data retrieval?  Why is more and more schooling needed to achieve adulthood?  The conventional wisdom seems to be Pre-K (age 4) through graduate school (age 24 or 26) on a full-time basis to be considered "competitive" for jobs.  Shouldn't the structure of the economy and labor market be remedied rather than piling on more schooling to be "competitive"?  Why isn't the willingness to work hard enough to achieve reasonable employment success anymore?  This sounds like the corporate powerhouses making demands and the well-meaning yet very misguided educational industrial complex excitedly taking on the task.  It seems unfair to me that 5 year-olds must be the sacrificial lambs when the adults can't solve the economics and politics to make opportunities more fair.

With all these sorts of increasing instruction efforts there is only talk about better "outcomes" or being more "competitive" whether it is mandatory kindergarten, extending the school day, or extending the school year.  Has anyone looked at the data?  Many of the countries with which we "compete" don't have the educational systems we think they have.  For example in Scandinavian countries, while early schooling has been expanded, serious academics are mainly postponed to age 7.  In the U.S., we are pushing it down to kindergarten and even pre-K.  We also assume homework is good for kids, but according to Alfie Kohn in the The Homework Myth, many studies have debunked homework for both academics and responsibility enforcement.  If you read his book you will see how politics have emphasized homework despite the data.

My main hope can be that homeschoolers in Buffalo will not be burdened with reporting for an extra year because of this, but it seems to me that without an exception made for homeschoolers it will be the case.  Unfortunately, New York is already one of the most burdensome states on homeschoolers requiring quarterly reports, plans, and even standardized tests at some grade levels.  This is incredibly unfair since the homeschool children I know in Buffalo are performing as well or better than those who attend Buffalo public schools.  If the school board and the state legislature actually cares about educational outcomes, they would make an exception for homeschool families from this extra reporting rather than penalize them for their superior performance.  If you live in Buffalo contact your state representation and your school board members and tell them that they are not be doing what is in the best interest of children by going forward with this.

Expanding our Horizons in Guatemala Meets Escaping Buffalo in January

Several months ago, at the age of 34, I got my very first passport.  I was always nervous to travel abroad.  I am sure part of it was the propaganda about traveling to certain places.  However, most of the time I think I was intimidated by new languages, international paperwork, and flying. I had a terrible time with Spanish in college and only received some sort of a B (don't remember the exact grade) due to a student teacher who was afraid to look bad.  I hate flying, not because I am afraid as much as I feel sick, both air sick (either I come down with a sinus infection from the pressure or actually vomit on the plane) and it aggravates my fibromyalgia.  Until now, I never felt like I missed out and I certainly traveled otherwise, hitting more than half the states (by car) before I turned 20.  Still, I was nervous.  I have a cousin who has lived in London for quite a while and have never gone despite the fact that I am sort of in love with Britain from its wonderfully made television mystery shows.  In the case of Britain, it isn't a language issue, but a long flight and time change issue.  Anyway, with our kids in the training choirs at church and the regular church choirs traveling to England this August, it hit me that I needed to get comfortable with foreign travel in the near future.

Then a friend of mine who lived in Guatemala for over a year, raved about it to me and wanted to go back, so we decided to go together for the month of January.  It would be a great homeschool trip for her son and my kids as well as a break for my fibromyalgia in the cold.  Of course, if she had only been on vacation there, I never would have been brave enough to go, but since she actually lived there, on her own with her son, I was much more comfortable.  I wanted the kids to be immersed in Spanish as well as see a different culture and experience life very different than the U.S.  The nice thing about Panajachel Guatemala is that there is still a very strong Mayan culture including traditional food and dress.  It is one of the few places left in the world where so much native culture remains.  The climate is also ideal with lows of about 48F and highs of about 72F all year, so it is never cold or hot.

For homeschool, it was a super experience.  First off, the architecture was interesting with buildings open to the outside, sometimes in the middle of the building, since they don't require heating or cooling.

There are churches much older than our church too.

Don't forget the day trip to Antigua where we saw many sites with old ruins including the Church and Convent at Capuchins.

There was the natural wonder of Lake Atitlan with its surrounding volcanoes.

The science of hot springs due to the nearby volcanoes.

The nature preserve was quite exotic complete with banana trees.

We learned about coffee on a tour of the farm and processing.

Forget conventional art class.  The kids took a Mayan weaving class.

They visited a handmade pottery factory.

They visited the Galeria owned by Nan Cuz where they viewed lots of Guatemalan art.

They tried on authentic Mayan clothing from the village of San Antonio.

While we didn't plan on doing a whole lot of math, they kids studied Guatemalan currency and used it buy things including watching Mom attempt to bargain.  Social studies was the strongest area covered mainly because the kids visited the homes of two local families and ate a traditional meal at one of them.  We also experienced the ancient by visiting Mayan ruins.

Modern differences were the most interesting.  On the one hand, there was litter and less than perfect plumbing, but on the other hand there was the tremendous wisdom in simplicity such as the efficiency of tuk tuks on roads without too many cars (no traffic lights), hopping in the back of a pickup truck for longer distances, shopping in a pharmacy with no prescription needed, using ATMs where you can lock yourself in without the fear of someone else with a bank card being able to get in, and eating in restaurants where the owner's chickens roam about the premises.

Physical Education wasn't left out either as we did a horseback ride throughout the village of San Pedro (which I don't recommend for someone with fibromyalgia as due to lack of balance and sensory issues it was very uncomfortable and afterwards I had to rest quite a bit on the couch for several days - but it was fine for the kids).

The kids also went kayaking, but I didn't get pictures.

Obviously, many people in Guatemala don't have as much as we (or most Americans) do, so we had the kids volunteer two mornings doing an art project with preschoolers at Mayan Families.  They really felt great about helping the little ones. 

When Defiance Turns into an Experiment

For the longest time I have been strict about sunscreen and sun hats.  I have always said they were necessary from nine to five between March and September and ten to four the rest of the year with adjusting to nine to three during standard time.  It is just a rule I have used to be prudent about the sun.  The kids, however, were getting sick of it and challenged me on it.  So we sat down and researched possible rules of thumb for sunscreen usage.  A common one that seemed to come up was to wear it when one's shadow is shorter than oneself.  But even with this, my times didn't seem to be too far off - until we tested it.

We began by watching a video online about the angle of the sun.  Then we decided to measure our shadows beginning within a week of the summer solstice and once a month, thereafter.  After the June one, we looked up the solar noon so we could extrapolate the end time rather than have to measure shadows in both the morning and afternoon.  Here is what we came up with for sunscreen/hat usage:

Month (3rd week)	Start	Stop
June	9:45	4:45
July	10:10	4:35
August	10:40	4:00
September	11:20	3:00
October	never shorter	never shorter

In Buffalo, there is a big variance in how much sun we get during the different times of year.  As you can see, I wasn't too far off for June.

We continued in July.

August, however, was more like the times I had been using for winter.  This is when the kids started to get excited.  By September, it was less than four hours.

And finally, here is October, when their shadows never even got close to shorter:

Do you see the satisfaction at Mom being wrong?  Hopefully, this is the beginning of questioning all kinds of rules and seeking out the truth in more areas.  Of course, we are (painfully at times) aware that it often means questioning us too.

A Crash Course in Citizenship and Business

What better lesson in citizenship than using the court system?

As urban dwellers, we live in a traditional Buffalo double with lower and upper apartments.  For us it has turned out to be an economical way to live in one of the best urban neighborhoods in the country.  While being owner occupied mitigates many problems of being a landlord, it isn't without its moments.  We had to evict our last tenant as well as have her arrested for harassment and criminal mischief due to a string of actions she took against us including an abusive letter, yelling and swearing at our kids, and dumping garbage in a hallway after the tantrum in which she yelled at the kids.  It appears to me that she isn't mentally stable, but of course, I don't really know.  (Yes, we did check out her background and from what we learned about her as she lived here, she would have passed even a stricter check.)

Anyway, we spent quite a bit of time during the past several weeks making trips downtown to Buffalo City Court.  Many of the trips involved getting forms and filing papers for eviction over non-payment of rent.  However, the kids also had to accompany us when we went to court for the actual hearing.  Not only did they get the courtroom experience, but they got to see Mom and Dad win the eviction by, not only being in the right, but by being knowledgeable in the laws pertaining to the situation.

Their experience was not limited to housing court, but less than a week later, they accompanied me to one of the criminal hearings where I went as a victim/witness.  Actually, since they were discussing plea bargains, I was more of a spectator, but I think they are learning.

I was impressed with their respect for the court too.  While they sort of acted up and drove us crazy waiting to go into court and immediately afterwards, they were on perfect behavior in the court room each time.  I take it to mean that either they really were watching what was going on or that they at least grasped the seriousness.

The final phase was helping us get ready for and look for a new tenant.  While they didn't fully understand all steps, they were present for showing the apartment, taking down e-mail addresses, and finally explaining our lease and collecting the security deposit.  They are getting a head start on learning how to rent out property.  We learned by our own experience which was difficult. 

Hopefully, we are also showing the possibilities of a diversity of income by having some business of our own and not solely relying on employment for our income.  There is some freedom in running a business even though it clearly has headaches.  We have our little soap business too, but that is still in its very early stages.

What do you think of all this?  How have you taught citizenship or business?

Where Raising Independent Kids Meets Modern Mothering Guilt

A better title to this might be the "The Benefits of Parenting with a Chronic Illness" or "The Huge Risks of Parenting with a Chronic Illness" depending on your point of view.  My fibromyalgia causes me to have much less energy than most people.  Fortunately, pain is not my worst symptom - fatigue is - which means that I can do the things that most people do, but far less of it.  I have fewer good, up hours than most people.  I end up hitting the couch earlier than most people need to crash so the main consequence is that I have less time.

We often get home from activities or errands and I need to crash so the kids have to handle their own baths.  It isn't uncommon that they move the last load of laundry to the dryer for me and even know which settings are for which types of loads.  A few times, Carmella has peeled carrots for me when I am so tired that standing in the kitchen is difficult.  They make their own peanut butter sandwiches when they get hungry.  This is great unless I am about to cook dinner, of course.  They know how to shut off the stove and oven as well as the timer to buy me a couple of minutes getting back to the kitchen.  Later in the day they put their own dishes in the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen floor.  They fold towels.  Yes, they do need to be asked multiple times and this doesn't translate into cleaning up their toys sprawled out in the dining room, but they are taking charge of many tasks at a much younger age than most kids.

This does lead to some guilt.  I know most kids their ages still get the coziness of Mom assisting with a bath.  It feels like the house is in some disorganized chaos all the time.  I am sure when I am not feeling well, I also get frustrated and snappy more easily.  Ultimately, though, it seems that they are more independent.

Today, Easter Sunday, I am in loads of pain and my lower back is out, so the kids have to handle themselves whatever they choose to do (Dad is at work).  When it was time to color Easter eggs, I told them to fill the pan with the eggs and water and that I would turn on the stove to boil them.  They dropped and broke 4 eggs.  I got upset, of course, but told them I was going back to rest and to call me after they had cleaned up, and furthermore, instead of boiling 20 they were now down to 16.  Yes, I do feel a little guilty about making them do their own clean up of the egg mess and I know most parents would have let them take 4 more eggs from the fridge rather than having them accept their own losses.  I am sure on Easter that if I wasn't suffering so much that the guilt would have overcome me and I would have provided more assistance, but it seems, since they succeeded, that it would be at the cost of character building.

When I came back to the kitchen I poured the hot water and vinegar, but left and let them put in their own food coloring and decorate their own eggs.  The results were great:

I still don't know how the different color splotches came about so they must know some advanced technique I couldn't have taught them.

There were risks though.  The water was hot, although I know they have a thorough understanding of hot in the kitchen so I am sure it is why they didn't get burned.  They could have gotten dye in places that weren't helpful or broken a mug, but then I would have had them clean up.  Last night they learned how to safely clean up broken glass, so they would have been ready.

I know to some people this all may seem risky, but so far, it seems that they are more independent and confident than most kids so I keep coming back to the fact that this may be the right approach even though I have sort of defaulted to it because of my fibro.

What about you?  Do you let your kids handle their own messes and projects, on purpose or by accident?  Do you find it builds character?

Making Our Own Soap

I often contemplate whether or not our homeschooling approach is good.  We do a mix of online curriculum, reading classic books, and hands-on activities, not to mention the outside classes they have in art, science, martial arts and dancing.  I recently tried to decide which hands-on activities are most valuable.  It struck me that we should try to make as many of the things we use as possible - if not on an ongoing basis, at least once or twice to get a sense of what's involved.

Soap is something that I hadn't though about too much except I was pretty sure that what we were buying in the store wasn't all that healthy.  Once I researched it, however, I found out that so many academic subjects could be covered in making soap so there is value across age groups.  There's safety, chemistry, math, social studies, art, reading, and research skills.

Safety is very important since you are handling lye.  Glasses and gloves must be used.  I suit up the kids in sunglasses that wrap around with good coverage and gloves.  I also don't have them directly handle the lye.

Chemistry is obviously covered, but the real nuts and bolts of the reactions are probably better for older age groups though.  Still, my kids get a sense of it by measuring the temperature of lye and water mixture (with a non-touching thermometer) and seeing how much heat is given of when the two combine.

Math is well covered.  I have them add up the oil amounts so we know what number we are weighing to on the scale.  They weigh the oils and take temperatures.  They help me use an online calculator to determine how much lye and water is needed for the type of oil.  There is also cutting the soap trying to get as even measurements as possible and weighing the bars once they are cut.

Social studies is loosely covered since I have explained that mixing oils and lye is the traditional way of making soap back into history.  There is also the economics of selling some of the soap online and to friends and acquaintances. 

Art is somewhat involved because one can get creative with coloring and design.  Although we prefer natural soaps we stay away from too much in the way of color.  However, it is interesting to see how appearance is affected by the ingredients.  We may experiment with color at some point providing it is from natural sources.

Reading is obvious since we need to read recipes.  Although many recipes we learn by watching videos.

This brings me to one of the best thing - research skills.  We learned a great deal from youtube and doing internet searches so the kids got a sense of how to take charge and learn something independently without only relying on formal education.  It also strikes me that youtube, on some respects, is like John Holt's vision for education where there are no schools, but people finding each other and teaching what they know.  This happens when an expert puts up a good video and people like us find them and can replicate what they are doing with no classroom required.  The information is free and available.

On a related note, we did make our own dry laundry detergent.  I am not sure what we will do next in the way of things we use.  What items have you made as a homeschool project that you were able to use?

Walking Home with No Underwear

I have probably grabbed your attention with the title.  Hopefully, you will find the post interesting too.  Today, I took the kids swimming.  This is something I do pretty often to keep their skills up.  It is an undertaking in some ways because we need to pack up and walk the mile there.  Luckily our bags are on wheels.  I don't always have a lot of energy which translates into less time when I do have energy, so I frequently have the kids pack their own bags.  It is hard to get Carmella going sometimes, but once she starts packing she remembers everything.  So at least it is smooth once we get there.  Thomas, on the other hand, often forgets whole outfits having to walking home in the same outfit he wore there despite it being dirty and having had a full shower.  I am big on re-wearing outfits a time or two before washing, but after a bath or shower, I think something that is completely clean is most appropriate.  I often wear the same thing (for all leave-the-house occasions) for a full 48 hours between showers, but then I want a fresh outfit.  Anyway, today, despite being reminded by Carmella and me, Thomas forgot his underwear.  So I had to decide whether to let him wear dirty underwear after a shower or to walk home with no underwear on.  I chose the latter for the above mentioned reasons. 

Then, I started thinking to myself that it is a good thing that he doesn't go to school.  He would suffer in terms of lower grades for forgetting homework or forgetting to have it signed or getting in trouble for not having forms signed.  Of course, it can't just be my son.  I am sure there are loads of kids like him.  There must be lots of kids getting into trouble in school for being forgetful.  This isn't exactly what is happening though.  To my knowledge, parents are very involved in kids' homework and teachers purposely involve them.  The parents open the backpacks.  Perhaps this is the problem.  Kids often don't become accountable or independent because the consequences are so serious (in terms of grades) that they are not left to handle their responsibility independently.  I think it is good for my son that he had to walk home with no underwear.  Next time, he will be more likely to remember and it has no permanent consequences (like a school transcript), only the short term weird feeling of walking home in pants with no underwear under them.

The funny thing is that when he goes to one of his activities, I let him go in the boy's locker room alone and he changes outfits just fine and doesn't forget anything.  He is even fast at it versus my begging him to get dressed at home.  At that same activity, there is a boy close to his age, probably in between his and Carmella's ages, who changes in the girls locker room with his mother.  Aside from this bugging me a little bit since Carmella has to change with him, it is clearly not going to help him be independent.  I am not sure her reason for doing it.  If it is out of fear, it doesn't make sense since these are small locker rooms with the instructors (appropriate gender) moving in and out of them frequently.  I would understand fear in a big public place like a mall or grocery store with many strangers.  In those settings, Thomas still comes in the ladies room with us (provided Dad isn't out with us).  It must be because she feels like she needs to help him change or pack.  In my experience though, my kids handle things in a grown up manner when I give them space.  When I micromanage, they go out of their way to be forgetful and even goofy and out of hand.

Perhaps this is the problem with the education system today.  In the 1980s we were a bit older when we went to school.  I don't remember my parents ever opening my backpack.  Sometimes, they asked if I had homework and sometimes they didn't.  I learned to keep track of myself so I wouldn't get a bad grade or lose recess.  Now kids get a mixed message.  They are expected to work full-time at school as if they are adults, but they are not given the responsibility and corresponding feeling of independence.  It's not that I think parents should never help with a difficult homework, but being involved in it daily, especially at the expectation of the teachers, is counterproductive.  While I am not always successful, I try to teach my kids in a manner opposite to this.  I want them to have real responsibility (packing without me checking their bags), but don't want to turn it into a full-time job.

Anyway, this is what I was thinking about while my son walked home with no underwear on.  Only time will tell if my methods are better, but something to ponder.

Teaching Time Managment

As part of our homeschooling, I have a list of classic children's books sorted in precise grade level order (2.1, 2.2, etc.) that I am having the kids read in addition to their Time4Learning, outside activities, and impromptu play and experiments.  Sometimes, it is hard to get T to sit down and read because there are so many things he wants to do.  I began to push bringing his books with us to activities.  Since we ride the NFTA buses to go places there is usually extra time waiting for a bus and extra time when we get somewhere early because the bus times aren't always precise for the desired arrival time.  There is also the time waiting for a bus to come home.

He fought me at first, but when he realized that he was getting almost all his reading done during time that would otherwise be wasted, he got much better about it.  He now sees that he has more time at home to play and do other things.  Hopefully, he will begin to appreciate how important time management is.  I think this is a pretty good way to teach it especially because without going to school there is still a tremendous amount of free time and this just increases it.  When I was in school learning time management wasn't the difference between free time and more free time, but no free time and a little free time.  It was hard to see the point when I was so overloaded.  Only time will tell if the time management sticks, but we'll wait and see.  I certainly think learning it in the context of more choices is better than the way I learned it where there was more of a punishment element in not having all my assignments ready.  Again, we'll have to see how it works long term.